Are the following phrases part of your vocabulary when dealing with the love of your life? Remove these fighting words from your love lingo and you’ll reap the rewards. Don’t, and your relationship just might meet the grim reaper!
1. "Then maybe we shouldn't be together!"
Oh no she didn't! She may have a groovy dress on, but anyone who says something like this may fulfill that exact prophecy. You wouldn’t tell your boss you’re quitting your job unless you meant it, would you? But sometimes, in a relationship, people are tempted to pull out the nuclear option just to get the other person off their backs: “If you don’t like the way I season veal, then you’ll never understand me! We should just break up!”
Save breakup talk for when you truly want to end a relationship, not as a rhetorical weapon. Otherwise, you risk your match taking you up on the offer and leaving you crying over steak for one.
2. "You know, (insert ex name here) never would have done that!"
Comparing your current squeeze to a past one is always a bad idea—especially when it's vocalized! We all have exes that have taught us what we do and don’t like in relationships. But the person you’re with now wants to feel special, not like the sequel to a bad romantic comedy. Don’t make it sound as though you’re still hung up on the past. Tell your current love specifically how you feel and what you want, but in the context of the present. There's a reason you aren't with the ex anymore, so keep that in mind.
3. "I'm too tired to help you with that."
Of course, you’re not lying—you probably are exhausted from rushing around and dealing with your boss all day. But in the modern era, when most men and women have taxing jobs outside the home, this is the lamest excuse in the book. Remember, the man or woman you love is probably as exhausted as you, and even if they’re not, they shouldn’t have to pick up your dirty socks, move a couch by themselves, or take the kids to lacrosse practice just because you did a little work. If you’re really tired, ask to trade or defer chores. Or better yet, just do whatever it is eagerly and quickly, so you can have time to relax and enjoy each others' company.
4. "Well, you left that dirty dish in the sink two weeks ago!"
Have you ever complained to your loved one that they forgot to do something, and instead of apologizing they brought up something slightly similar that you once did? Everyone makes mistakes, but small infractions done long ago are not hooks to hang your hat on when you want to avoid blame for something you’re doing in the present. “You forgot to feed the dog five years ago!” is no excuse for forgetting to feed the cat today, and bringing up past transGREssions simply leads to an escalation of blame and hurt. It's also just lame!
5. "It used to be much more exciting in the bedroom."
You were hoping for fireworks, but your sweetie is a sparkler at best. Though you may be frustrated, the worst thing you can do in the moment is to ridicule or insult the person you love for their romantic performance. In intimate situations, when a person is sharing a very private and special part of themselves with you, they are at their most vulnerable, so angry words take on an especially hurtful tone.
If you want to heat things up, positive reinforcement yields better results than negative comments. “I’d love it if we could stay in this position” works a lot better than “You never stop squirming!” Being a bully in bed might make your beau yearn for someone a little less romantically selfish.
6. "This is the way I am, and I am never going to change."
On the one hand, it’s not a good idea to get into a relationship with the intention of changing someone. But on the other hand, people naturally change as they grow older, often getting better at time management, financial planning, and social interactions. If one of you is growing and changing and the other is staying stagnant, that’s a big problem. Claiming that you’re allowed to go drinking every night or leave the toilet seat up because that’s what you did when the two of you started dating is effectively saying, “I will never grow or change, so don’t invest any hopes in me.”
Rather than freezing your personality in time, address the issue at hand. Come to the table with some things you feel you can change. Then give logical, personal reasons why you prefer to stay the same about other things.